“This could happen to any one of us” the psychiatrist told my parents. It was September 2021, we were in the office of a psychiatric ward in Milan, Italy but that wasn’t what was happening in my mind. My perception of reality was completely different and I was convinced that the man sitting across the desk from us was a paid actor and I was a participant in a very strange reality show.
I was in the acute stage of first episode psychosis, meaning I was interpreting reality differently from others. I was hallucinating, hearing voices and having paranoid thoughts.
My psychosis had started very suddenly due to severe stress and possibly the after effects of going through the pandemic alone in Italy. I had never even heard of psychosis before I had it, I thought I knew a lot about mental health having dealt with anxiety and depression on and off since being a teenager and had learned how to balance everything and look after myself.
Then suddenly, at 31, my whole life changed when I became convinced that people were following me, that my phone and television were being controlled, that my family were in terrible danger. My colleagues in the English Language School I worked at couldn’t understand why my behaviour had changed so suddenly in the space of a few weeks.
After almost a month since I’d been originally admitted my parents made the decision for us to travel back to Leitrim to the countryside where it was quiet and peaceful to get away from the noise of Milan. I became a service user with the Sligo Leitrim Early Intervention in Psychosis Programme with the HSE, still not fully understanding what was happening. Through the help of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy I very gradually began to determine what was real from what wasn’t but my weeks revolved around appointments and medication.
After some time I wanted to try and return to work, still not fully better but with Individual Placement and Support I was able to return to work part time. It was around that time I finally started to come out of my psychotic episode in late January 2022, 5 months after it had initially started.
The road to recovery didn’t end there, the majority of that year was very difficult. I had quite strong anxiety a lot of the time and severe dips in mood, I returned to work and then had to take time out again. In October of that year I joined the Manorhamilton Print Group which allowed me to engage in art activities more regularly and socialise more following a long period of isolation.
Now, over three years on from my initial admission to hospital, I have regained my independence, returned to work part time and am also a part time artist. I am currently running a series of art workshops in collaboration with the Sligo Leitrim Mental Health Service with groups of other service users. Through this I want to share the benefits that art engagement had in my own recovery with others who have had similar experiences.
Having psychosis has shown me that you never know what someone else could be dealing with inside their head and that we should all be kinder to each other. Most significantly I’ve learned the importance of balance, something we all struggle with, but if we don’t look after ourselves, well; it could happen to any one of us.
